This is an honest to god, word for word, transcription of the birthday card I received from the grandma figure in my life.
“I really enjoyed your visit at Christmas. I heard you two had a great time on your trip. My New Years wasn’t the best. I had a bad cold, fat – jiggling cough. Even my eye balls and ribs hurt from coughing. My butt too, because I would clench every time. I was a wreck but fairly over it now. Happy birthday.”
Sometimes real life rules.